Are You Someone's "Other Half" or Are You Whole?
Raise your hand if you've heard the expression: "I'm looking for my other half" at least once. Or perhaps the famous line from the movie Jerry Maguire: "You complete me." Sounds romantic, doesn't it? Poets have written about it, movies have sold us this illusion, and society constantly asks us: "So, when are you going to find someone?", as if until then, we are incomplete.
We, here, have a different perspective. Maybe a bit radical for incurable romantics, but essential for our mental health: No one can complete you, because you are already whole.
Today we want to dismantle the myth that happiness is found exclusively in someone else's arms. We want to talk about that "single" period not as a sad waiting room until the Prince or Princess appears, but as the most fertile ground for personal growth.
Let's explore the fine but huge difference between being alone and being lonely, and why the relationship with yourself is the only relationship guaranteed to last a lifetime.
The Trap of Grocery Shopping on an Empty Stomach
Imagine going to the supermarket when you are starving. What happens? Your basket will fill up with chips, chocolate, junk food, and things you don't need, just because you are craving something now. You don't have the patience to choose nutritious ingredients for a cooked meal. You just want to satisfy the hunger.
Dating works exactly the same way.
When we don't like ourselves, when we feel empty inside and desperate for affection, we go "shopping" for partners on an empty stomach. The result?
- We accept "crumbs" of attention.
- We ignore red flags just to avoid being alone.
- We cling to toxic or unsuitable people just to fill the silence in the house.
In contrast, when you learn to be okay with yourself, when you like your own company, you go dating "full." You are no longer looking for someone to save you or define you. You are looking for someone to add value to an already happy life. It's a mindset shift that changes everything.
Solitude vs. Loneliness
Language is important here. Often, we use words interchangeably, but in psychology, the difference is vital.
- Loneliness: Is the pain of being alone. It is the feeling of isolation, lack, disconnection. It is the state where you feel you are not enough.
- Solitude (Being Alone): Is the glory of being alone. It is a conscious choice to spend time with yourself, to recharge. It is the moment when you hear your own thoughts and feel at peace.
Our goal is not to avoid relationships, but to transform the fear of loneliness into the joy of solitude. When you reach the point where a Friday night spent just with yourself, a glass of wine, and a good book doesn't feel like a punishment, but a treat... then you are ready for a healthy relationship.
How Do We Learn to Like Ourselves? (Practical Guide)
Okay, the theory sounds good, but how do we do this practically? How do we go from "I'm bored alone" to "I love my time"? We've tested a few strategies:
Date Yourself Yes, seriously. Dress up nicely and go see that movie you wanted to see. Go to your favorite coffee shop and order that expensive cake.
- Why it works: It sends a message (to you and your subconscious) that you are a valuable person who deserves effort, even without an audience.
Invest in Your Hobbies When you were in a relationship, maybe you gave up painting, soccer with the guys, or dance classes. Now is the time to pick them up again. Passion makes you attractive. A person who has a "sparkle" in their eyes when talking about what they love is magnetic.
Internal Dialogue Pay attention to the voice in your head. When you make a mistake, do you say: "You're so stupid!"? Would you allow anyone to talk to your best friend like that? Probably not. Start being gentle with yourself. Replace criticism with curiosity.
Validation Comes from Within, Not from Notifications
We live in an era of digital dopamine. If we don't receive a "Good morning" text or a like on a photo, our self-esteem drops.
Learning to like yourself means cutting the umbilical cord of external validation.
- You are not beautiful/handsome only if someone tells you so.
- You are not smart only if a partner confirms your ideas.
- Your value is intrinsic.
When you know who you are, someone's refusal of a date is no longer a tragedy ("I'm not good enough"), but just a simple mismatch ("We are not on the same wavelength"). See the difference?
The Mathematics of Love: 1 + 1 = 3
In a toxic or co-dependent relationship, the math looks like this: ½ + ½ = 1. Two halves struggling to make a whole, leaning on each other so they don't fall.
In a healthy relationship, which we aspire to, the math is: 1 + 1 = 3. You are a whole (1). Your partner is a whole (1). And together you create a third entity: The Relationship (3), which is greater than the sum of its parts, but which does not cancel out your individuality.
Conclusion: Be the Person You Want to Meet
Look in the mirror. Would you like to go on a date with yourself? Are you pleasant company? Interesting? Balanced?
If the answer is "not yet," that's perfectly okay. You have time. Use this period of being single not to desperately search on Tinder, but to become the best version of yourself. And when you are happy alone, you will attract people who are, in turn, happy and balanced. Because at the end of the day, we attract what we are, not what we want.
What do you do for yourself when you are alone? What is your favorite "solo date" activity? Inspire us in the comments!
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